Threnody for virginity
Melody played in pity
A funeral dirge for they
Who had so much more
To give.
Soft melodic wailing
Compliment the flailing
Of a drowning acolyte
Who lost their will
To live.
Uplifting epideictic
So sweet we cannot take it
Buried at the feet of
An idol made
Of gold.
Gods we cannot touch
Idols don’t think much
Of their crawling devotees
Yet we love the lies
We’re told.
-Disclaimer: I know I can’t write poetry for shit-
Dance me in circles
I always end up back with you
I’m a doll on a music box
Your song is the only tune
I know, and it’s always in my head
Plucking out its melody on my heartstrings
I will dance until I’m dead
You’re my red shoes
Keep me on point
Dance until my toes bleed
I tried to chop off my ankles
But forgot that trees need their
Roots, and you give me life
I’m going through withdrawals
The coke is cut with too much bleach
And I’m sweating through my dreams
While I have to hear my family preach
They say I need Jesus, my friends say
I need rehab, but little do they know
You’re the only god I’ll ever have
I reach out to you, but you draw away
So the foot of Mt Olympus is where I
Stay, praying that Aphrodite will have
Mercy on this mortal, Hephaestus will
Craft me new shoes of iron so I can dance,
Dance until I’m dead
I’m your greatest masochist
Beat me with leaden whips
Crucify me, I’m a slave
You’ve bled for my sins, I’m nothing
Only you can save me, so love me
Or slay me, but please don’t let the music stop.
Hello my darlings,
So, what has been going on with me today? I could tell you, but you probably wouldn’t believe me.
This tale begins with a sleepless night. I was awake for most of last night and when I finally did get some sleep, I slept very lightly and fitfully. I was incredibly cold (it’s the middle of summer and I was wrapped up in a hoodie, a sweater, and a blanket) and in the process of flushing out a common yet mean infection with lots of cranberry juice and water, respectively. I think I finally defeated it in its tracks, but that is beside the point.
This morning, I awoke to my mother on the phone with my mamaw. I knew things were not quite right so I got up out of bed and went to check.
My great grandmother fell. Twice – just this morning. She hit her head the first time, and my papaw went to pick her up. She fell a second time and tore up both her elbows and there was blood everywhere in the kitchen. My mamaw and my sister had to go pick her up. She didn’t recognize my sister and kept referring to her as “that girl”. When my mamaw asked about the blood on the walls, my great-grandmother replied “I don’t know how that got there. The kids must have put it there.”
“The kids” she keeps referring to are the hallucinated entities of my mother, aunt, and uncle when they were all young. I am convinced her apartment is at this point, haunted, because first they were locking her out of her house and hiding under her bed and now they are smearing her blood on the walls. Again, this is beside the point.
The EMT’s (is that correct?) come to take her to the emergency. My poor mamaw, who has not slept a wink all night herself due to my great grandmother calling her at two in the morning, has to clean up all the blood and then go back to her house to shower, drop off my brother with my step-dad, and then head over to the emergency room where my mother, my fiance, and I have already gathered.
Side note: when I woke up this morning and asked my mother is she needed me to accompany her to the hospital, she said if I could hurry up and shower. So I showered in five minutes, using only conditioner because we were out of shampoo. I barely had time to put my hair up, and I did my makeup in the car with only five items and two brushes. To best swallow this tidbit of knowledge you must know that I take an hour, sometimes and hour and a half every day to get ready. 30 minutes of that routine is devoted to my makeup. Which I did today, in under 5.
The visit was long. They ran tests, checked her medication, asked her questions. She hesitated on what year it was. She didn’t know the day (she is convinced that it is Saturday) and the only reason I think she recalled the name of the current president is because she really, really does not like him. But then, she is 86.
We were at the hospital from 10:45 to roughly 3:00. When we got home, everyone collapsed until we somehow mustered the strength get dinner. I don’t know how I am still awake, quite frankly.
Since then I have been working double-time to make certain that Orcs and Aliens receives a proper launch. The website is going to be up within the week (I am going to make this happen). And by then, the logo should be finalized, and business cards should be ready to print and hand out and we need to sell, sell, sell that adspace. So on another side note, if you know anyone who has anything at all to advertise then please let them know about us. I give you full permission to print off our example advertisement sheets to hand out to them. If you need copies to print and can’t find them here, shoot me an email.
I am also trying to get married in October. This, too, is becoming increasingly difficult. My biggest problem is becoming venue, venue, venue. No one wants to let me have an outdoor wedding. It is going to be a 1 1/2 – 2 hour event of nothing but cake and champagne and no one wants to let it happen. I refuse to become discouraged, however, because I am the most stubborn person I know. I’m going to be married and I’m going to post the pictures here to prove it.
So, to wrap up, everything is still up in the air. Grandma will probably have to be in the hospital for three days, and after that it will be time to move her into an assisted living facility at least until she recovers. Right now she is incapable of living on her own and needs full time care. I am trying to move my partner and myself forward with our publishing endeavors. And my wedding plans are not working out.
Does that cover it? I think so.
In other news, The Hollow Living is come around splendidly.
Your most adored,
C.N.F.
C.N. Faust 