Sometimes I Wonder…

Hello my darlings,

This is going to be one of those posts. And just to go ahead and alleviate any gloominess I am about to dump on your heads, here is Pharun (looking fabulous today) to make you smile.

Pharun Mahtrador2 (1)

Pharun Hephaistion Mahtrador (rendered in http://www.heromachine.com)

This post, I fear, is mostly mopey in nature. And I suppose every writer has one of those “down” days (I like to think even Stephen King has them every now and again) where they sit at their desk and while they are playing around with WordPress and Facebook they get smashed in the face with a crushing depression leaving them wondering, “Am I a good writer?”

I know I’m a good character-mother. I highly doubt there is any author more devoted to their characters (though I am sure some writers would love to step up to the plate and challenge me on that claim) as I, or anyone who talks to them quite as much, or thinks about them as I do. I have drawn, rendered, and written for them almost my entire life. I have watched them evolve, I have cried over them, I have formed and broken friendships through them, I have watched them marry, I have watched them reproduce (not like that you pervert!) (…well maybe sometimes) and I have watched them die horrifically unfair deaths. I live in Dragoloth and I’m not embarrassed to say it. But I know that none of that necessarily makes me a good author.

And then, does it really matter? I am going to keep writing no matter what. I have a series to finish and it’s not going to go away any time soon. I suspect that after my death my children will be able to keep the flow going, simply because the Mahtradors refuse to die out (Pharun alone has lasted long past his prime). And I don’t mean to sound so down-in-the-dumps. There are days, however, when I have considered taking all of my books off the ‘net and living off the grid in Montana, just typing happily away and keeping my stories for only myself and those who genuinely expressed an interest in them. But then, I’ve tried that route, and it never gave me fulfillment. For some reason, having my book sitting on bookshelves and residing in Kindles has given me a sense of purpose. And as long as there is a single person out there who gets as involved in my world as I do, and who loves it just as much, then my mission is accomplished, and I really am a good writer. At least to them, and to myself.

I imagine a good author is someone who, no matter the circumstance, will always be able to write and to share with someone, and then allow that world and the characters to seduce the reader and enchant them and make them want to write you emails and have quaint cups of coffee in a small time cafe. And they will come to all of your book signings and will be disappointed when your world tour never kicks off.

So here is to you, fan, and to all of the blossoms in my garden who make my life worth living. As long as you keep reading, I will write for you.

Your most adored,

C.N.F.

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes I Wonder…

  1. Reblogged this on carenalojado0913 and commented:
    Sometimes I Wonder…
    Hello my darlings,

    This is going to be one of those posts. And just to go ahead and alleviate any gloominess I am about to dump on your heads, here is Pharun (looking fabulous today) to make you smile.

  2. Pingback: Sometimes I Wonder… | Poetry

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